I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
