you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
