She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
