Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
