Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Vodka?
Forever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
