Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
