Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize