so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
