When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
