he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
