What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
