You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You ruined the universe
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
