just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
