I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The uberlube is also flammable
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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