I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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