Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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