3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
