stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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