That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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