Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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