How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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