he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
