i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
