after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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