You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
