Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
