Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
