hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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