alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
