If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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