i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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