Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the day after is always just damage control
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
