Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
