The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
