She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
