I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
