I think I died a long time ago.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
not ubering you a puppy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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