Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
