hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
