you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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