If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize