I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
