Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
