someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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