apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize