do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
