I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
