fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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