hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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