Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
