Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
