Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You pole danced in your parka.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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