I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
