I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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