so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize