It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
