So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
