With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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