i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
