How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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