She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize