Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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