This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
