It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
