I got chris browned last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
